It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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