I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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