I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
