so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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