Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
