Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
