Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
