I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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