i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
im six kinds of drunk right now
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
