You made me cry and you don't even care
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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