Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
