Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
