I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
