Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
