i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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