Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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