watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize