they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
