HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
