i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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