Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
