Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
