we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
