Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
