Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
