my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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