I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
