Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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