I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
tell me about the fingering
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
