I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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