I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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