I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
