Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
