is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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