I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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