3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
