i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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