He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
