I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
