we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
