found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Porn is love you can see.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
