Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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