I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
