Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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