I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
