You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Welp...herpes.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If I die, sorry about rent.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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