when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
