Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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