New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
