I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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