1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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