ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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