finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize