Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
