he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
