dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
