so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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