My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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