I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
