The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Couch. On fire.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
