Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
