i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
