My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
