Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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