It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
