i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Life is so much better after having sex.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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