every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
