If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
