you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
