She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
