my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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