my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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