So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I haven't been this sober since birth.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
