So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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