How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
