Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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