Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
