This dress was meant to end up on your floor
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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