how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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