I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
