o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize