the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
