i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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