You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
