dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
