you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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