if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
