just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
