don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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