She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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