I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
