The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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