I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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