He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
