i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
