dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
