Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
