Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
