oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize